Captain's Folly
by Inflamed
Summary: What if Roy DeSoto did take the Engineer job the following year. Where would that leave John Gage and his future. Would he stay a paramedic or get a promotion himself? Follow the story to find out.
1. Chapter 1

Captain's Folly

John Gage knew he must be in hell. Every part of his body hurt and he had just opened his eyes to a beautiful angel. He knew it was hell, because he hated hospitals, or rather to be a patient in one. When he was a paramedic it was sheer torture when he got hurt rescuing someone. He had heard the whoosh and beep of familiar machinery but knew it was hopeless he was dead and in hell. The sounds did nothing to calm him; his chest hurt the worst as he felt the machine pumping air into his chest. His arms were stationery by his sides, knowing there were a multiple of IVs in them. With the subdued lighting, he wondered if he was in I.C.U. His memory a blank except for large explosion which kept running through his mind.

"Janine," Nurse Applegate rushed to the I.C.U. station. "Get Dr. Brackett stat, John Gage just opened his eyes for a few seconds."

****

Dr. Brackett looked at his patient.

"C'mon Johnny open your eyes for me. You did it a little while ago," Kell asked softly of his patient. Quickly looking at his watch at the time and staring at his favorite paramedic.

_Brackett! He hates me for leaving the program. No, not hate. Seriously disappointed._

"C'mon Johnny you can do it," Brackett asked a little bit more forcefully, holding his breath for some signs of life.

Opening his eyes, John stared at the blue eyes of the doctor and blinked a few times. Even his eyelashes hurt along with the subdued lighting; he could feel his eyes tearing up.

"Real good Johnny," Kell's voice broke. "Now let me see move your fingers and toes, k." He carefully watched, concentrating on his patient's condition.

His whole body hurt and Brackett wanted him to move. Forcing himself, Gage moved his fingers and toes sending squeals from the nurses. You think'd he done a miracle or something. But even that was totally exhausting, but he kept staring at Brackett's face.

"Real good Johnny," Brackett's eyes misted up. "You got some people very worried about you. You can go back to sleep now."

Closing his eyes John went back to sleep.

**2 YEARS AGO**

Johnny knew something had been on his partner's mind for awhile. Every time Roy looked at him he knew he wanted to say something. Now end of shift, his impatience was getting the best of him. He couldn't believe another year had gone by, sure there were good and bad days but he enjoyed being a paramedic. They were in the locker room, changing in street clothes as they went off shift.

"Roy," Johnny practically yelled. "Um. Roy." Gage leaned towards his partner's locker.

Roy looked up from tying his shoes, almost ready to leave in his street clothes.

"Um, how about I buy you breakfast?" Johnny smiled hoping to break the cool exterior of his partner. Never one to pry, the dark haired paramedic had a bad feeling about his partner of four years.

"Breakfast?" Roy shut his locker and looked surprised.

"Yeah breakfast, I know a joint not far from here, they make a mean Denver omelet." Gage finished dressing and smiled broadly; hoping Roy would take him up on his offer.

"I don't know Johnny it's just…"Roy hesitated, he hands finding the pockets of his jeans. Both men closed their lockers and headed towards the back of the station.

"C'mon Roy when was the last time we went out for breakfast? My treat." John followed Roy out of the station to the parking lot.

Roy looked at Johnny with his blue eyes, Johnny's impatience was showing.

"I'm sorry Johnny, I got things to do and…" Roy said palms open.

"Okay then, what is on your mind Roy? You've been distracted for the last few weeks so give? You haven't worked on the fire truck once and every time I call you're busy. So spill partner," John finally confronted his partner.

DeSoto looked at the station and then at Gage.

"Um, remember that promise you made me make about the engineer's promotion?" Roy crossed his arms and frowned.

"Yeah, of course I do and I meant it too," John searched his partner's eyes, his heart leaping into this throat.

"Will I taking it Johnny, we really need the money and I just can't pass it up this time," Roy stuck his hands in his pockets and smiled.

Johnny ran his hand through his hair. "Then congratulations on in order," he pasted a smile on his face, "Then let me buy you breakfast then."

"No, Johnny I really can't, see ya next shift," Roy climbed into his car, leaving Johnny standing in front of his; the rest of A shift had left.

John stood there stunned, not believing what his soon to be ex partner had said. He knew with a wife and kids came extra responsibilities and now Roy was leaving. Sighing in climbed into his Rover and knew he needed a break, two day of not thinking of anything.

****

Back on shift, Johnny kept his talking to a minimum, only commenting on patients and victims, Gage watched as Roy told the staff of Rampart of his decision. He could tell Brackett and Early were disappointed since it had been Roy who had recruited him and was gung ho on the program in the first place. At the station his partner was spending more time with Mike since Roy already seemed to stop being a paramedic and becoming an engineer.

Seeing other promotions, Roy would be going to the first available station and shift, he knew it wouldn't be long since retirements always went in waves, the same would be for Johnny and his new junior partner, probably fresh out of the paramedic program.

Gage kept to himself taking refuge working on the old engine they had acquired awhile back. It had been his idea until he convinced Roy to buy the old fire truck for $80.00. Now it was a foolish gesture, Johnny thinking the old truck would help bond his friendship even more with his partner.

****

It had been a week since Roy had left to Station 36 and the C-shift. Feeling lost, Johnny found comfort working on the old engine. But now it seemed to be a solo effort, DeSoto had gone MIA from 51 completely.

John Gage slowly removed the tarp from the old engine he and Roy had been working on. However, lately it had been him working alone, since his partner was now an engineer at station 36 on the C shift. He knew his partner would eventually leave, didn't they always. His partner at 10 retired to be replaced by someone younger than him now Roy had moved on and he was stuck with the old 1932 engine. Sighing he put the tarp back over the fire truck and decided to head for home. He would have to make a decision soon about the truck and his career.


	2. Chapter 2 Johnny makes a choice

Cf2

Working on the old engine, Johnny had now cut his hand for the fourth time. With all his spare time he had been working on the old fire truck. Since his and DeSoto's schedule didn't mesh, it was his only link to his former partner. But he hadn't made much progress; even removing the old paint was difficult and required more than two hands. The engine looked as bad as he felt. His whole rhythm was off with his new newly minted paramedic. He knew what to expect with Roy and now with him taking the lead, he knew how Roy felt with him.

"DAMMITT! HELL!" he threw the wrench to the ground. Frowning he headed towards the phone in the dorm and called a number.

"Station 36, Fireman George Hannah."

"Uh, is Roy DeSoto around," Johnny nursed his bloody finger. He heard the phone set down and then picked up.

"Roy DeSoto," a familiar voice answered.

"Hey Roy!" John tried to sound upbeat as he put his finger down.

"Johnny!" DeSoto sounded surprised.

"Uh, Roy I'm glad you're there I have a proposition for you," John heard Roy sigh. "Hey man it's not that bad it's about the engine."

"What engine?" Roy sat down.

"The 1932 engine we brought for $80.00." John thought it wouldn't be so bad since his partner had forgotten about their buried treasure.

"What about it?" Roy's voice rose wondering if his ex partner had destroyed it.

"Well you see Roy, since I've been doing all the work on it I figured to buy your share out. You know the original forty bucks, time, supplies that type of thing and…"

"No, Johnny the answer is no." DeSoto was admanat, it was his idea in the first place.

"But Roy you're not even working on it. Like I said I've been working on it and it seems only fair the engine…" Johnny protested.

"Didn't you hear me Johnny? The answer is no, the engine is half mine and I don't plan on selling you my share at any cost. Now do you understand?" Roy said pointedly.

Gage was beginning to and his jaws clenched at the thought of all the hard work, not to mention the blood and sweat he had been putting into the old fire truck.

"Yeah Roy I hear you loud and clear, pally," John said sarcastically. "Loud and clear. Have a nice day." John slammed down the phone. _Why do I even try?_

With an idea in his head, Gage drove towards headquarters and hopefully his new future.

****

Coming into the locker room, Johnny had a book bag filled with all his study material, and hoped he had given himself enough time. Once roll call and job assignments were given, the paramedic approached his captain.

"Hey Cap got a minute," John stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"Sure."

"Um, in your office," the paramedic followed Stanley into the office and closed the door.

"Anything wrong, John?" Stanley was concerned with the closed door.

"No, it's just I'd thought I'd let you know I'll be taking the captain's exam in six months is all," John smiled happy with his decision.

"Captain's exam. That's only six months away," Hank sat down. "Are you sure that's enough time?"

Johnny sighed. "Then you think I can pass it?"

"John of course you can pass it. But only six months to study. You're a fine paramedic John I know the department would hurt losing you," Stanley looked at the young man who seemed determined.

"Well Cap, as a friend of mine said it's the money and there are some things I want I can't get on a paramedic's salary. Believe me until they change the rules, the department's going to lose a lot more of us." Gage frowned. "Sad part of life Cap. Thanks for the vote of confidence. Um, got to get my assignment done so I can crack those books. Thanks again."

Stanley watched as Gage left the room with lighter step, his shift mates were changing, first Roy and now John. But he had felt something had happened between DeSoto and Gage. He knew they were tight knit team and he had some idea Gage's only passion in life was the fire service. He hoped whatever the young man wanted from being a captain he would find and then returned to his never ending paperwork.


	3. Chapter 3

CF3

John was home studying, every free moment was spent going over his many books. He had hoped to keep it a secret but last shift Chet had found out. The month seemed longer than it was, facts and figures floating in his head even when he slept. Along with missing his once friend and partner and their dreams of the 1932 fire truck sitting in the station parking lot, a constant reminder of times gone by.

"_Hey Gage, what ya got there?" Chet snagged one of his books._

"_Give it back Chet," John glared at his shift mate and reached for his book._

_Chet thumbed through the book and looked at him with surprise. _

"_You're not serious are Johnny? Captain's exam?" Kelly came over and stared down at him. "Seriously you think you're going to pass?" Chet laughed._

_Stanley walked in, "Give him back the book Chet." Hank ordered._

"_But Cap!" Kelly looked at his superior. "You don't believe it do you?"_

"_I think John here will make a fine captain," Hank placed his hand on his shoulder. "You might learn something from him."_

"_What? No, Cap I'll just stick to what I know. Besides it will be fun to see Johnny go down in flames. Get it?" Kelly laughed._

"_Chet don't you have something better to do?" Stanley's eyes bored into Chet are who suddenly made himself scarce. "Don't let him get you down John."_

"_I won't Cap. I'll pass believe me I'll pass."_

****

It had been a slow shift and John looked at the tarp covered engine. He'd had probably hit Roy on a bad day and would try again.

In the dorm, the paramedic dialed the phone and waited.

"DeSoto residence," a familiar and comforting voice answered.

"Hey Roy," Johnny answered.

"Johnny?" Roy sounded surprised.

"Yeah Roy, it's a slow shift anyway I'm calling about the engine again. I probably got you at a bad time and…" Gage shifted in his chair.

"Yeah it was probably a bad day," Roy sighed. "What about the engine?"

"Um, well it was stupid idea I mean about buying your share I mean since we bought it together and well, um, Roy I just want to know how your doing. I haven't seen you or your family since you took the promotion and our shifts never seem to mesh you know," Johnny felt deflated.

"Johnny, I can't really talk now," Roy sounded frustrated. "I have a lot of things to do around the house and well…"

Gage finally heard noise in the background.

"Hey Roy, nice party," a male voice yelled. "You make a mean bar-b-que."

"Sure Roy I understand. I'm sorry I bothered you," John hung up the phone, his chin hitting his chest. He thought of his books and shuffled to the day room.

*****

Studying in his apartment, Johnny knew Roy was just getting settled in his new station and making friends of his new shift mates. Just like he had done with him, inviting him over for dinner and looking out for him. But now all he had was books for company, he ran his hands through his hair and tried to think.

The phone rang interrupting his thoughts.

"John Gage," Johnny yawned.

"Hey there Gagey boy. How about you come for a drink?" a blast from the past called.

Looking at his books, he knew he needed a break. "Same place?"

"Yeah of course."

"Great I'll see ya in half an hour," Johnny slapped his hands together and quickly changed.

Driving to the bowling alley the paramedic realized it had been awhile since he had seen his old shift from 10, all work and no play made a dull boy, as he pulled into the parking lot.

Walking into the noisy, smoky alley made him wonder why he hadn't come sooner. He spotted about five guys off to the side near the bar and waved.

"Well there Junior," a slightly grey haired man called out.

"Hey Stony," Gage took a chair, pulled it close to the two tables shoved together but not before snagging a handful of peanuts.

"Hey guys!" John smiled.

"So how's life treating Johnny?" Ruffolo looked at him. "Burning the candle at both ends, boy?"

Johnny frowned, "You might say that. I'm studying." He announced.

"What finally going to join the ranks of the engineers like your old paramedic partner?" Tim looked at him. "Better pay and a lot less hassle. Been one for ten years."

Gage stared out at the bowlers wondering if he should tell. Even at his station once every one knew he was studying for the exam they seemed to pull away, he hadn't even taken the damn test yet and they were treating him different. But he could trust these guys, his first station and they certainly would understand.

"Um, I'm studying for the captain's exam," John smiled and watched as his former shift mates faces fell. "Hey I'm just taking the test man. YOU all look like I passed."

"Well Johnny whatever you set your mind to, you generally get. Look what you did as a paramedic man. You aced that exam," Tim took a long drink of his beer.

"So you're going to be brass Johnny? Guess we'll have to talk to you different," Ruffolo frowned.

"Hey guys, c'mon lighten up. Remember it's me Johnny Gage. I could always keep you rolling on the floor," Johnny smiled but stood up. So much for a night out. "See ya later guys wouldn't want to be a downer." Waving he headed back to his car and the nearest burger joint.

*****

Johnny now felt alone, friends he thought he had made themselves scarce since he was studying for the captain's exam. Three long months he had been at it and he still had a long way to go. The one person he was dyning to tell didn't seem to care any more. The paramedic found one common day both he and Roy were off. He called Roy at home, while still at the station.

"DeSoto residence," Roy answered.

"Hey Roy!" Johnny was happy to hear his ex partner's voice.

"Hi Johnny," Roy's voice held a bit of frustration, a voice he knew only too well.

"Guess what Roy, we have one day off together next week. Wednesday. I figure I could come over and…." Johnny was sitting on the bookcase at the pay phone.

"I'm busy," Roy cut him off.

"C'mon Roy it's been awhile since I've seen Joanne and the kids and I have something I really need to talk to you about and…." He ran his hand through his hair, feeling Roy's impatience and consternation at his phone call.

"Listen Junior I told you I'm busy all right. Maybe some other time all right. Bye." Then he heard the click of the phone.

Johnny was sure how long he held onto the headset, but he knew whatever friendship he had with Roy was gone. "Why don't you just tell me to get lost Roy? Huh or go to hell, you don't have to be nice."

So here he was, stuck in his apartment when he could be outdoors, pouring over the books and furiously making notes. Stuffing his mouth with a sandwich the phone ringing stopped his meal.

"John Gage," he answered.

"Johnny," Dwyer answered.

"Hey what's up Dwyer," Gage looked forward the short break.

"I'd thought I'd let you know your fire truck is being towed away," the paramedic said low. "Says he's picking it up for DeSoto and taking it to 36."

There was a long pause and Johnny finished chewing and thinking.

"Johnny you still there?" Dwyer said impatiently.

"Yeah, Dwyer I'm still here. Don't hassle the guy k." Johnny sighed.

"But Johnny I know hard, hell we all know how hard you've been working on that damn thing and you're going to let Roy just take it!" Dwyer was indignant.

"Just let him take the engine Dwyer. I won't have time to work on it anymore anyways," John could feel his jaw clench and tried not to react to what his former partner was now doing. Roy could've asked and at least come while he was on shift.

"But Johnny…" Dwyer's words hung in the air.

"Really Dwyer it's okay. Roy can have it. No hassles k?" Johnny looked at his books, besides he had better things to do than work on an old 1932 fire truck filled with now bad memories.

"Okay Johnny. I'll let the rest of the shift know it wasn't stolen," Dwyer said sarcastically. "See ya later."

"Yeah Dwyer, later," Gage hung up the headset and had to deal with some unexpected issues. Sighing he would study a few more hours and then go out and walk around a park. HE would have some hard thinking to do regarding his former partner.

****

Unconsciously, John went to the spot where the old engine sat, on the ground he could see the large oil spot from where the engine was and flecks of red paint. Sighing he knew it was time to move on, which he should've done the moment he saw the look in Roy's eyes when he got the promotion.

However during his shift Chet just wouldn't let it go. The engine was gone, Roy was gone and what he hoped was long friendship was gone too.

"Hey Gage, aren't you going to report the engine stolen? I heard from Dwyer DeSoto came and got it and you didn't even put up a fight," Chet struck a nerve.

"Chet for once in your life why don't you just shut the hell up k? Because the way I'm feeling I might not be responsible for what I do, phantom or no phantom," John had pushed Chet against the wall of the bay both arms on both sides of Kelly, boxing the phantom in.

"All right gentlemen," Stanley placed himself between the two men, "you have this much energy why don't you take care of the hoses? Chet you do that and John come into my office."

Following glumly behind the cap, John went into the office and then closed the door.

"John I know you've been studying real hard for this exam but you need to give yourself some breaks in between or you'll be burned out even before you started. Do I make myself clear?" Stanley could see the dark haired paramedic struggling and he had no way to help him.

"Yeah, Cap I understand only too well. I'll go clean out the locker room," Gage stood up, thankful for the reprieve and the monotony of cleaning that would give him time to think.

****

John had borrowed the station's typewriter and completed the document. Now it was going to be the hard part. But it was a necessary part of the job. Once off shift the dark haired paramedic headed to Rampart.

Luckily the ER was slow as he headed toward the nurse's station.

"Hey Dix," Johnny waved at her.

"Well what are you doing here on your day off Johnny?" Dixie leaned over on the counter. "Thought you might get sick of this place."

"Well, um I got some business is Brackett in?" John stuck in his hands in his pockets.

"Yeah, Johnny he's in his office," Dix looked at the downcast man.

"Thanks Dix," John waved and headed towards the doctor's office. Knocking on the door, he walked in the office to see Kell writing in some folder.

"Johnny!" Brackett stood up and then saw the seriousness of the paramedic.

"Hey Doc, got a few minutes? I really need to talk to you," Johnny walked to his desk.

"Sure Johnny take a seat," Kell watched as John took a seat but not relaxed, he hands resting on his knees his feet on the floor.

"Um, Doc well," Gage bit his lower lip and then pulled out a slip of paper out of his shirt pocket... "I want this to go into my medical file."

Brackett took it and read it over. "A medical directive? Johnny why I thought Roy…"

"Roy's moved on and has enough problems without worrying about me," the paramedic smiled.

"I can see your point but…" Brackett put the paper down and then looked at John's steady brown eyes. "There's something else."

"Yeah Doc, I'm changing my paperwork. But before we get started if you turn me down, no hard feelings k. Dr. Early all ready said no and I understand and…" John sighed.

"What is it Johnny? Just tell me," Brackett leaned forward on his desk.

"Well, I wonder if you could be my contact name for my paperwork. You know the just in case of emergency, that sort of thing," Gage placed his hands on his desk. "So if you say no it's all right I have a few people on my list and…"

Kell watched as Johnny struggled with the words more than anything. He knew Roy had become an engineer, seeing him leave the paramedics was sad but necessary, now John was floundering trying to find a new name to replace Roy. But he knew Gage was studying for the captain's exam and Brackett knew he would be losing one of his best paramedics.

"Sure Johnny," Brackett smiled.

"Now I understand if you're busy I'm mean I was just cutting out the middle man you know and I understand and all," Johnny stood up knowing he had failed again.

"Johnny I said yes. You can put me as the contact name. You have my card take the information from that, k?" Kell also stood up.

"You sure about this Doc, I don't want to be a burden you know and you mean it?" Johnny smiled relieved to have a part of his life taken care of.

"Yes Johnny I mean it. Now go on, isn't this your day off? Shouldn't you be studying?" Kel escorted him out of his office.

"Thanks again Doc," Johnny shook his hand furiously; "you won't regret this. I promise." Gage let go of the doctor's hand and left his office whistling.

Dixie watched as the favorite paramedic waved and smiled as he left the ER, she confronted her favorite doctor. "What in the world was that all about?"

"I wish I knew Dix, I think a weight has just been lifted off Johnny's shoulders only I hope its for the best," Kell looked at Dixie, "Can I buy you lunch?"

"Sure, you can buy me lunch," Dixie smiled.


	4. Chapter 4

CF4

It had been a long six months of studying for the captain's exam and Johnny wondered if it had been worth it. He had forgone vacations, friendships and the like for the golden ring. Being alone wasn't a problem, he was used to that, but Roy DeSoto had changed it for him. For four years he had someone he could count and depend it, who put up with his 'nutty' behavior and actually seemed to give a damn.

So he was taking the exam tomorrow, trading his shift so he could take the long five hour test for his future. Dwyer came over as he read the paper.

"Hey no books?" the blond paramedic poured himself a cup of coffee.

"Well if I don't know it by now, I'll never know it. Besides what's gets me is I won't know until next year if I made captain or not. I mean who schedules the captain's exam before Thanksgiving and they wait until January to announce the results, huh?" Johnny rattled the paper.

"Only the fire department Johnny. So what are you doing for the holiday?" Dwyer pulled up a chair and looked at his temporary partner. They were alone since the engine was on a call.

Any other year it would have been with the DeSoto's but now, now he was a free agent.

"Well looks like I'll be spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with the Cap, you know."

"Yeah considering you'll be friends soon enough," Dwyer laughed and winked.

"Dwyer don't put the cart before the horse, you know. Everyone's been acting strange, like I'm a captain all ready. Man, it's still going to be me, you know," Gage stood up and stretched.

"Well I hate to break it to you Johnny, but you're not the same John Gage you were a year ago, man and you know it too," Dwyer looked into his coffee cup. "You've matured."

"Matured, c'mon man me," Johnny pointed to himself. "I still come and go as I please. No strings attached." He stuck his hands in his pockets.

"Okay Johnny when was the last time you went on a date?" Doug tugged at his moustache.

"Oh, I don't know I've been too busy, you know," the paramedic smiled, "studying, going camping when I had a chance. Besides no woman is going to be interested in me and if I become a captain, nurses are out at Rampart. I have a bad reputation to live down."

"Yeah I heard, a real serious one, Johnny, you're all business. In fact Dixie has been trying to set me up with some of your rejects," Dwyer laughed.

"Rejects? Hey no one rejects…"

Tones ended their discussion on Rampart nurses.

*****

John's brain hurt five grueling hours and then the long commute home. His brain felt like mush along with the rest of his body, sitting in that hard wooden chair, freezing cold room and staring at those black and white questions. Luckily he would have two days to refresh himself and start worrying if he past the test. It was nearing five o'clock but he wasn't even hungry.

Opening the door of his apartment, Gage kicked off his shoes, went the fridge, took a cold beer out, popped the top and sat down on his couch. Taking a few sips, he stretched out on the couch, placed the bottle on the floor, pulled a blanket over him and promptly fell asleep.

In his dream the phone was ringing and ringing and wouldn't stop. He pictured Roy on the other end and their friendship resuming like nothing had happened. Unfortunately the ringing hadn't stopped, his brain still fuzzy he searched for the phone in his dark apartment, picking up the handset he got a dial tone. Replacing the handset he went back to sleep.

Roy hung up the phone getting no answer. Rumor had it John Gage would be taking the captains test and he was worried. Worried enough to confirm it with his former friend and paramedic partner. But there would be no answer.

*****

Thanksgiving over, Johnny decided he would go big for Christmas this year, he didn't care if he made captain or not. He had a lot to be thankful for and it was about time he recognized the people who made a difference in his life.

Thanksgiving at the Stanley's was a very noisy affair with over twenty people in attendance. Gage fit right in and was sorry to see dinner ending, busting with food and football games he said goodnight had was glad he had another day off to work off dinner. Martha Stanley gave enough leftovers for a week and he looked forward to a nice turkey sandwich or two.


	5. Chapter 5Waiting

_**Well here's a little something to tide you over until Christmas. Crunch time is here. Thanks for reading and your patience. Life will get really hectic after the first of the year for me. Thanks again and I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!! **_

The Christmas season is always hard on the fire department, filled with Christmas tree fires, heart attacks and too many auto accidents too count. John was glad his job kept him from dwelling on the past and worrying about the captain's exam. It had been another grueling shift and John was tired as he headed home. He was looking forward to Dixie's Christmas party and but first he had to do some serious Christmas shopping.

Walking up the stairs he turned to see his landlady calling to him.

"Hey Mrs. G, what's up?" Johnny smiled to his favorite landlady.

"This came for you Johnny," she handed him a package, "with the weather the way it is. I didn't want it to get wet. Merry Christmas." She waved.

"Merry Christmas to you to," he climbed the steps, unlocked the door, went into his apartment and placed the package on his counter. He was just too tired and all he wanted to do was sleep.

****

Roy sipped his coffee, thankful for a break in his shift. He looked at his captain and could tell something was on his mind.

"So tell me Cap what are you going to do when you retire?" DeSoto put down his paper.

"Me," Captain Hodge pointed to himself, "well me and the missus are going to travel. Got us an RV and just hit the road. You know no schedule, see the kids and country. What beats me is their getting younger and younger captains these days," Hodge got up to get more coffee.

"Young captains?" Roy's eyes furrowed.

"Oh, never mind Roy. Just an old man talking." Hodge headed towards his office. "Now that's one thing I won't miss is the damn paperwork around here."

****

Waking up from his nap, Johnny headed towards his kitchen and some coffee, and then he would brave the holiday crowds, knowing all ready what he would get for everyone. The package caught his eye and his curiosity got the better of him. Taking it to his couch, he looked at the writing on front; it was a child's writing he could tell. IT looked like Chris DeSoto's. Chris would be about ten or eleven by now, his sister eight. The name on the package was for Uncle Johnny Gage and his address.

Scratching his head, he wondered if he should wait until Christmas, another two weeks away and decided against it. Not buying for the kids, did put a crimp in his Christmas shopping since he liked hitting the toy store and seeing what was new. He had always tried to buy the latest and greatest for his adopted niece and nephew but again, that was past.

He was going to open it and then put it back on the couch. The present from the DeSoto children he would deal with later.

*****

Johnny really enjoyed Christmas shopping, before it had just been him and his late aunt. Everyone at the station had become his family, as his captain pointed out. He didn't mind the crowds or anything else. Humming to the music he picked each out item, opened doors for people and even helped carried packages, nothing was going to get him down this Christmas.

He had taken awhile to get over Roy's promotion, but he decided he had to do what was best for him. Making captain, he would buy himself a little place he had been looking out, get some horses and do a job he loved.

His Christmas shopping done, John headed to Dixie's Christmas party. The paramedic was successful on the presents he had picked out for the staff of Rampart; he hoped they would like them. Since he would be on shift right before Christmas he thought it would be better to give his gifts to Chet, Marco, Mike, Mark and the Cap then, in the privacy of their station.

Walking around the party, John talked to everyone seeing their happy, smiling faces and the sprit around the party. Roy's name came up and the dark haired paramedic found himself in a corner of his friend's apartment. Early was playing the piano and everyone was having a good time. He waved to the newcomers, smiled and got another beer from the cooler. Dixie always knew how to throw a good party. Her Christmas tree sparkled and her food was always good. Gage had forgotten how many plates of food he had eaten, he was sorry he hadn't brought more than beer for the party. Maybe he would think about it, take some cooking classes, wouldn't hurt in the dating department either.

Johnny couldn't believe it had been close to five years since he had met Roy DeSoto and the introduction to the paramedic program. He'd admit he was a little drunk when he made his comment to Brackett, but now they seemed to understand one another, sighing Gage crossed his arms and closed his eyes.

"Hey handsome," Dixie slid up next to him. "This is a party you know," she smiled her blue eyes twinkling.

"Hey Dixie, will you forget me?" John turned serious, looked at her while a little drunk.

"Forget you Johnny, now how would I do that," she touched his crossed arms. "You're my favorite paramedic."

"I mean, when I become captain, can we still be friends and…." John's eyes misted.

"Of course we can still be friends, Johnny. It's not as if you'll be moving. I'll invite you to my parties and you know where I work," Dixie smiled. "C'mon now this is supposed to be a party Johnny."

"Yeah Dixie you're right this is a party. Thanks for being my friend," he bent down, kissed her on the cheek, smiled and joined the party.

Kel saw the exchange and quickly headed over to his favorite nurse.

"What was that all about?" Brackett could see the serious face of the hostess.

"Oh, Johnny was just thinking of old friends, Kel. You know that happens this time of year," Dix frowned, "I think I need a drink."

"Okay but not until I dance with you. May I have this dance Miss McCall?" Kell offered his arm.

"I'd be delighted Doctor. I wondered when you were going to ask," Dixie smiled, took Brackett's arm as they headed out to the small dancing area.

****

John had distributed his presents as they ate turkey with all the trimmings. Christmas music played in the background and he had the privilege of picking the perfect gifts for his family. Yes, his family, having none of his own, he would consider the A-shift of Station 51 his family, no matter where he ended up.

"Oh John, you shouldn't have," Chet was actually speechless.

"Figured you'd could use is on your next pigeon," Johnny smiled at the spring loaded device.

"Next pigeon?" Chet frowned, "no way, you're not getting out of the phantoms clutches man. He knows everything remember," Kelly suddenly found his device fascinating.

"How did you know man?" Mike looked at the guitar.

"Uh, I don't know and it includes lessons too Mike," John winked. "From this cute chick at the music store too."

"Oh man Johnny," Marco beamed at the set of sauces. "What did you do man? My mama and me just love these."

"Well I went camping in Mexico and I thought you might miss them," Johnny was having a hard time keeping his composure.

Mark, his new partner, just held his present, being a new father and all; Gage had given him a camera and film.

"Take lots of pictures Mark, kids grow up real fast," Johnny stood up finding the day room stuffy. He made his way out the back and looked at the freeway.

"John," Hank placed his hand on his shoulder. "Nice pipe, books and tobacco. But I'm not that old yet," the Cap chuckled.

"Yeah I know Cap, but," John looked around to make sure no one was listening. "Like you said we were family and well, you're like the dad I never had, you know. I mean don't take it the wrong way and all."

"John I'm honored. Anyway after the first they announce the results of the Captain's test. Nervous?" Stanley could see it was on his young friends mind.

"Well let me tell you Cap, I for one can hardly wait. Now as a friend told me this is a party, besides we have to get back before Chet eats all the turkey," Johnny smiled as they went back to the day room and the Christmas cheer.


	6. Chapter 6John hears good news!

_**An early Christmas present to see if John Gage passed and his new future is secure .Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.**_

Christmas day was a glorious sunny day. No smog, eighty degrees and a cool ocean breeze, yes it was Christmas in California. Getting up early, Johnny had a few more presents to deliver before heading to the Stanley's for Christmas dinner.

Drinking his coffee he looked at the brown paper package that had been sitting on his couch for the last two weeks. He had thought of sending the DeSoto children Christmas gifts but they wouldn't receive it anyway, Dad would see to that.

Yawning, he took his coffee, sat it down on the coffee table and took the package. It was light as he ripped off the paper, opening up the box he looked at the homemade card. Chris wrote the words and Melissa drew the pictures, opening the card he read it.

_Uncle Johnny,_

_Merry Christmas and Happy New Year._

_We miss you._

_Love Chris and Melissa._

_XXXOOO_

John wiped errant tears and opened up the small package. It was a small picture frame, sea shells, rocks and bits of metal. It was a photo of the three of them on the horses at Griffith Park. John remembered it well, Joanne and Roy had gone on an overnight trip and he was looking after the kids. After a trip to the beach he surprised them with the ride. In the photo, all three of them had smiles plastered on their faces. He remembered one of the attendants took the photo for him. Both children talked about it for months afterward, and then he noticed something else. Unwrapping another package he found a dream catcher and another note.

_Uncle Johnny,_

_Here is a dream catcher we made in boy scouts. I hope all your dreams come true._

_Chris._

"So do I Chris, but it won't be the same without you kids," Gage sighed and then looked at his new prized possessions, knowing in his heart this would be the closest he would ever get to see the kids.

****

New Year's over, Johnny was anxious to see if he passed the captain's exam. He thought the written part of the test was the hardest, orals were the easiest. So reporting to shift on the 4th, he thought it would be just another day.

A phone call interrupted roll call as Hank went to get it. He motioned the rest of the shift in and John felt on the spot. He ran his hand through his hair and held his breath.

"Yes Chief, he's standing right here. Yes I'll let him know and yes I'm sure he'll be surprised," Cap motioned him over. "Yes Chief I'll make sure he knows all about it."

Hank nodded as he wrote furiously on a pad of paper. "Yes Chief. As soon as he's off shift I'll make sure he goes there. Yes, we're very proud of him. Good bye." Stanley hung up the phone beaming. "Well Johnny how does it feel to be the youngest captain in the history of the L.A. County Fire Department?"

John stood there in shock. "I passed," he whispered.

Hank nodded, "hell Johnny, you not only passed you blew the socks off the competition!" Cap stood up and patted him on the back as the rest of the shift joined in. "This calls for a celebration."

Tones interrupted their celebration.


	7. Chapter 7

CF7

**One Year Ago**

If you asked John what he remembered about his promotion ceremony, he wouldn't be able to tell you what the Chief talked about or anything else. However, he would remember all the guys from 51's A Shift in the back and the hollering they did when he was called up. But the most important thing the newly minted captain remembered was getting his new assignment.

The festivities all done, the Chief called in Gage into his office. Taking a seat, John wasn't sure what to expect.

"So did you enjoy the ceremony?" the man smiled.

"Yeah, sure. Much more than I expected," Gage smiled.

"Good, good. You're really lucky Gage, because you'll be posted within the week," the Chief smiled as he reached into his desk.

"Within the week," John coughed.

"Yes, are you familiar with Captain Hodge?" the chief put a stack of folders on his desk.

"Isn't he out of 36?" John felt his stomach fall and wished he hadn't eaten all that cake.

"Yes, he's C shift. He's officially retiring next week. So he'll help you out your first few shifts. Also I think you know his engineer Roy DeSoto?" the chief stood up.

"Yes I know him," John stood up too. _But will he want to know me._

"Yes you were paramedic partners weren't you," the man walked around his desk, five folders in his hands.

"Um, yes…partners," Gage felt the weight of the folders thrust into his arms.

"Good then you'll make a good team. Those are your men and shift. Good luck," the chief guided him out of the office. "Have a good weekend."

Carrying the folders to his car, being a captain sunk into the former paramedic. He didn't think it would happen so fast. Roy didn't leave for a month, now he was a station and a crew within hours. Driving home Roy kept creeping into his thoughts and heart. Where did he stand with his former partner? Roy obviously had moved on but forgot to tell his children. He wondered what Roy had told Joanne. But he was being paranoid; Roy was a stand up guy. Being a captain would cause no problems with his old paramedic partner.

Once he got home, he put the folders on his coffee table, quickly changed and then brewed some much needed coffee. He tried to watch TV but he kept looking at the folders. By now Stanley knew all about his posting and had a new replacement, yet the folders bugged him. Five men now depended on him for their health and safety. It was his actions which could life and death at each incident. Taking another sip of coffee, Johnny took the first folder, Gus Lingstrom, firefighter. Reading it now wondered what was in his personnel folder. He quickly went through the three other men, Henry Waddle, Tim Worth and George McFadden. They were all seasoned firemen and he didn't think he had anything to worry about. Putting them aside he looked at the last folder on his table, he got up, poured himself some coffee and sat back down on the couch.

John looked at the folder, Roy DeSoto; somehow it felt like he was violating his former partner's trust. DeSoto's personnel file, filled with everything he didn't know about him. But he had to read it, in order to know how his team was, but then again, didn't he know everything he needed all ready about his former partner. Hadn't Roy told him his life story the four years they were partners?

Sighing he knew he needed to read it. With his sweaty palms he opened the folder.

****

The party was just getting started at the station. It was Hodge's last shift and the men from all three shifts had thrown a little party. No liquor but that would be for the official party after.

Roy was sorry to see Hodge go, he was a good man and he had learned a lot in his year. His first year as an engineer made his look at fires from a totally different angle and approach to his shift mates, yes seeing Hodge go was a sad day. Finding the day room stuffy, DeSoto went out in the back of the station, his eyes drawing to the tarp covered engine.

"Humm," the cap looked at him.

"Um, Cap. Was getting a little warm in there," Roy smiled.

"A little warm or a little thick," Hodge laughed.

"No matter I wanted to talk to you alone anyway. Seeing I'm old as dirt I got a heads up on whose replacing me. I think you know him John Gage," Hodge stated.

"John Gage?!" Roy choked. "Are you sure Cap. IT can't be!" DeSoto shook his head.

"Yeah it is. Besides you were partners with him weren't you?" Hodge moved closer to the shocked engineer.

"Yeah, but, well…that was a long time ago Cap. But not John Gage, couldn't you get anyone but him?" Roy turned to his captain.

"Sorry Roy, besides it can't be all that bad. Do me proud!" Hodge wrapped his arm around the engineer. Now let's go join the party, shall we?" the Cap laughed dragging DeSoto back into the dayroom.


	8. Chapter 8

CF8

John adjusted his captain's pins on his blue shirt and stared at the blank spot where his paramedic patch went. So he was Captain John Gage now. Too bad his aunt hadn't lived to see it. Sighing he got out of his Rover and headed to his new station. The personnel files in his hand he headed to the office and then stopped. Walking over the tarp covered engine he was tempted to lift up the sheet to see if Roy had done any work on it, but stopped. The engine was DeSoto's he had given up the rights to it last year.

Roy looked at his new captain and wondered what the department had come to. John Gage, Captain his captain. He had talked to Joanne, he would gut it out a year and then if things didn't work out he would transfer. He watched as Johnny strutted into the station and then to the office. The door closed he was talking to the now retired Hodge as the men lined up for roll call.

"Morning," John smiled at his crew, particularly at his engineer. Roy gave him a noncommittal look.

"Well boys, this is your new captain, John Gage, I want you to give him the respect and honor you gave me," Hodge made introductions around. Gage shaking hands with each man, except Roy.

"Nice to see you again Roy, hope we can make a really good team," John smiled to be met with a frown from his former partner. Gage decided to ignore it.

Clearing his throat, John made assignments and then followed Hodge back into the office. For the rest of the morning, Gage and the retiring captain went over endless paperwork required by the fire department and other county agencies. Being a good student John took copious notes and placed them in his designated drawer; it was just in time for lunch when they were toned out.

Climbing into the captain's seat felt good, John had been studying the maps around his new station and gave Roy directions to get to the fire.

"Hey Roy," John motioned if you take a right at Hamilton and take a left on Chandler we could there five minutes faster," he pointed two fingers at the street.

Roy blew by it and Gage's jaws clenched. DeSoto still made it to the fire. Hodge sitting in a vacant seat in the engine frowned and then shrugged his shoulders.

Things went better at the structure fire as his men took his direction and took care of the fully involved structure. He was tired and hungry as they drove back to the station; he was proud of his men but was concerned about Roy's not taking his directions. At 51, Roy relied on him to get to the call faster and made a complement on it. Maybe just first day jitters, Gage decided to write it off for today, but would watch his former partner carefully.

The newly minted captain smiled as he went to sleep. So far his first day had gone well; Hodge had left and said his goodbyes privately, saying he was no longer needed. Tomorrow he had a date with a realtor and a piece of property he was eyeing. Yes life was getting better and better everyday.

***

John looked at the property, just what he wanted, half an acre, three bedroom ranch house with a corral and stables in the back. His dream had come true. Looking at his realtor he smiled.

"This is it. I want to make an offer!" John walked through the house, knowing it might need a little work, but he wasn't afraid of it.

"Yes Mr. Gage, lets go back to my office," the realtor smiled.

Once back at the office, Gage waited to see if the owners would accept his offer. They called within the hour and the captain was now a home owner.

"Thanks a lot," John stood up, knowing he had thirty days to buy some appliances, tack and horses. Yes life was good.

*****

Johnny whistled as he came into the station, yes he was going to look at horses tomorrow and his appliances were going to be delivered the day after he moved in. He opened his locker to change only to be drenched in soapy water. It stung his eyes as he went quickly to the sink to wash them out. Once clean he changed and hung up his wet clothes to dry in his locker. Pulling out the offending instrument, he broke it down and threw it into the trash, wishing to burn it. His eyes still stung as he did roll call and assignments, he swore there was a smug look on DeSoto's face.

But this little prank was more Chet's style but never vicious. Cupcakes, flour and water were his tools. Shaking it off he went the rest of the day, thinking the guys were just testing him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Perception is Reality-anon**

Roy could see the debris falling, turned he saw his captain, laying out flat, like a sacrifice as wood, brick, ash and fire covered him. Trying to call out he felt his limbs impaired and tried again.

"Roy," a soft voice whispered. "Please calm down. Roy, honey please."

DeSoto opened his eyes to stare at the worried look of his wife.

"Johnny he's dead Joanne. I killed him," Roy shut his eyes as tears flowed.

_**2 YEARS AGO**_

Roy again looked at the budget. They just couldn't make it. With two growing children, the only way they could make it if Joanne went back to work and he wouldn't allow that. The engineer's job was looking better and better. But then he thought of his partner, John Gage. How would you describe Johnny? A kid? An exceptional paramedic? No, he was an adult besides he had made him promise to take the engineer job and he would.

Coming in early, he filled out the necessary paperwork and alerted Cap of his decision only he couldn't quite face his partner. For the next few weeks, he avoided any deep conversation with John and tried to distance himself, just in case he went on a different shift.

But John could tell something was on his mind, he couldn't tell him until he knew he would get that promotion. Yes it was good for a year and yes, he would probably qualify, there were just too many ifs.

One day after shift, John barely caught him before he made it to the car.

"Hey Roy how about I buy you breakfast," John asked innocently.

Staring at him, Roy had just gotten the word; he had gotten a new posting for his promotion and was going home to tell his family. His real family, not the station family.

"Um, I'm busy Johnny," he lied, not wanting to tell Gage until it was official.

Gage tried to hide his hurt, but didn't to a very good job. "C'mon Roy I know this joint real close by they make a mean Denver omelet."

Roy looked at the parking lot and then at his shaggy haired partner.

"Johnny I'm taking my promotion, for engineer." DeSoto held his breath.

"That's great Roy, then let's celebrate," John smiled but his eyes reflected pain.

"You know you made me promise Johnny," Roy got defensive. Gage wasn't a child.

"I meant every word Roy so let me buy you breakfast," John asked quietly. "To celebrate, k."

"No I've got to get home. Some other time k?" Roy climbed into his car and sped away. In his rearview mirror he saw John stand there his hands on hips and a deep, furrowed frown.

For the next month he had to endure John go on about how great an engineer he would make. Reminding him of leaving the paramedics for the all mighty dollar and a screwed up civil service system. But Roy let John ramble where he countered.

"Yeah, Johnny you'll finally get that decent partner you've been talking about. Hell, you'll probably get to choose them yourself," Roy smiled as they drank coffee in the dayroom.

"Sure Roy a decent partner,' John stood up stretched and poured his coffee down the sink then disappeared until they were toned out.

So Roy waited until he left the 51, just another station in your career with the fire department he told himself. Off to 36 and a new life, engineer to one of the finest captains in the department. Captain Hodge was a legend and he planned on learning all he could.

The men on his new shift weren't so receptive. Old school, they treated him like a boot and razed him like hell. Now he knew where Chet learned all his tricks. But he wouldn't give in and then finally grudgingly accepted him until he got a phone.

"Hey Roy phone for you," one of the guys winked.

"Hey Roy," Johnny's voice threatened his existence.

IT was about the damn engine. The stupid $80.00 investment and Gage's big plans. Cutting him off he made no plans, their shifts didn't mesh and he needed to get along with his new shift mates, his financial future depended on it.

Forced to talk, the men of 36 thought it would be a good joke to bring the engine to the station and surprise their engineer.

Roy found it in the parking lot of his next shift with no explanation, thinking Johnny had decided to give it to him. So much for the big plans of Johnny and his commitment to refurbishing it.

Another few phone calls and Roy learned 51 didn't exist anymore unless they were at a fire or other fire department function. 36 had a reputation to maintain and Roy had to fit in.

"Hey Roy did you hear," Hodges told him as he shined the engine.

"What Cap?" Roy stopped his work.

"I hear your former paramedic partner took the Captain's exam. Damn their getting younger and younger," Hodge's left the puzzled engineer.

"Oh Johnny," Roy whispered wondering what mistake his former partner just made.

After a few runs, Roy went to the dorm only to find Johnny not answering.


	10. Chapter 10

CF10

John opened his eyes again; the pain not as intense, the rest of his body felt like it was on fire. Closing his eyes he gave into the pain and exhaustion. His mind seeing Roy a few feet away as hell reined down on them.

**1 YEAR AGO**

The big day was here, Gage was moving into his dream home, singing to the radio, he backed up the U-Haul in his driveway. No more noisy neighbors or loud parties, he was home. Home at last.

During his off days he had moved most of his clothes and light stuff in. The men of his command were just bothersome flies compared to the enormity of his move. Moving alone was no big deal. His friends at 51 were working and as of yet he couldn't count on anyone at 36 even remotely close to help. Dollies were invented for a reason and besides, his new TV, refrigerator and washer dryer were going to be delivered the next day along with his horses and the necessary gear to keep them around for a long while.

After parking the van, he slid open the back door, took out a dollies and loaded it with his dresser, clothes and all. Securely attached with straps, Johnny made his way to his front door and unlocked it. The still smell of fresh paint made him grin widely. Before moving in, he had given the place a good once over. New paint and cleaning to his standards in all his rooms and it still seemed like a dream

So once again he was alone, better not to dwell on it, he'd have his horses for company if nothing else and the oft chance 51 was off, even the good doctors, no he wasn't alone, just a different normal.

Huffing and puffing he got his bed set up and went to bring the rest of his furniture in his new house. Putting up the bed made it more real, sheets, pillowcases, pillows, covers and now he was really home. The bed inviting he still had to return the van and maybe rearrange furniture or lack thereof. He hadn't realized how puny his old furniture looked in the big ranch house along with how old they looked. Well he would have to do something about it, although shopping for appliances had caused him enough anxiety.

Looking around he closed the door and headed back to his rented van.

"Hello," a grey haired gentleman approached him.

"Hello," Gage said tentatively.

"Um I'm your next door neighbor Gary Houghton," Gary offered his hand.

"Well nice to meet you," John shook his hand vigorously. "I'm John Gage."

"Um, you know my daughter makes a mean pot roast," Houghton smiled his blue eyes twinkling he wore jeans, flannel shirt, with a receding hairline he looked very friendly.

"Well that's really nice Mr. Houghton and…"

"Gary, please seeing as we're neighbors and all," Gary smiled.

"Well Gary, you see," John stuck his hands on his hips as he looked at the dollies on his porch. "I've got to take the rental van back and get my car you see and then I plan on just ordering pizza and relaxing a bit."

"Oh for you and your family?" Houghton smiled.

"Ah ha, no Gary I'm not married, no kids. Just me. Now if you'll excuse me I got to go," John took both of the dollies.

"Let me help you," Houghton took one of the dollies and followed John out to his van. He put the dollies in the back.

"Thanks again Gary, really," John shook his hand.

"Well welcome to the neighborhood John," Gary waved as John drove away.

*****

Once settled John ate his pizza and drank his nice cold beer, before long he had fallen asleep in his couch, his snoring a painful reminder of how tired he was.

***

Gary picked at his food and looked at his beautiful daughter. Their ranch house was just like their neighbors only the bedrooms were reversed.

"So honey how was work?" Houghton looked at the spitting image of his late wife, brunette, brown eyes and a nice smile.

"It was work Dad, were you bothering our new neighbor?" Arlene looked at her upset father.

"Well you have to be friendly," he volunteered.

"Trying to play matchmaker again Dad? Really the guy's barely moved in and…"

"Now wait a minute," Gary put the fork down, "I was being friendly since we are neighbors."

"Grandpa all ready told me he didn't have kids," Katie frowned.

"Tattle tale," Gary touched his granddaughter's nose and made her giggle.

"C'mon Dad just give him a chance to get settled, then we can invite him over," Arlene bargained with him.

"All right honey I will. Seems like an awfully nice man and I think he's a fireman too," Gary attacked his meal with relish.

Arlene rolled her eyes, "really Dad have you been spying?"

"No honey he was over here earlier this week and I happened to see his dry cleaning when he brought it in. You know I know some of the guys in the department and all," Gary looked sheepishly.

"Yes, Dad I know. One of these days your snooping is going to get you into trouble." Arlene stood up.

"No I'll do the dishes tonight," Gary started to pick up the dishes from the table. "That young man really missed a good dinner though didn't he Katie."

"Oh Dad you're impossible," Arlene laughed as Katie and her father cleaned up the remains of dinner.


	11. Chapter 11

CF11

"Oh God Joanne, I killed John. I wouldn't listen to him. Damn it! Why didn't I see it?" Roy wiped at his eyes with his one good arm. The hospital room was quiet; the images were still fresh in his mind. God, he had been so stupid, so proud.

"Roy, honey, Johnny isn't dead," Joanne gave a weak smile. She wiped the moisture from his eyes. "Didn't you hear, Johnny's alive and awake."

"I shoulda listened to him, God Joanne, I should have listened to him."

**Six Months ago**

Roy kept his silence as his captain was pelted with god knows what in his locker. He knew Gage had taken to coming dressed to shift, but stuff happened and the man kept a spare uniform. Sometimes he wondered if Johnny ever had balls since he never stood up to the phantom. Being a paramedic was one thing, since Gage never kept his opinion to himself about the program. However, something had changed.

Still dripping, Gage walked into the dayroom.

"You have five minutes to get your asses out to the yard. We're having ladder drills," Gage disappeared leaving a trail behind him. He left a liquid gooey mess on the clean station floor as he headed to the yard.

"Hey did you see that," Lingstrom laughed and pointed to the trail his captain left.

"Well we'd better get out there," Roy said never seeing John this mad before. He stood up from his chair, waiting for the other men to follow.

"He doesn't mean it," Worth volunteered, laughed and leaned further back in his chair.

Johnny came in the dayroom to find his men still there. He had a wash cloth and was wiping his face with an angry expression on his face.

Worth, in shock, continued to fall back in his chair hitting the floor.

"You have two minutes to get your asses out to the yard or I'll write every one of you up for insubordination," Johnny turned on his heel, followed closely by five irritated men.

"Since you gentlemen—and I use that term loosely," the cap glared at Roy, "have so much time on your hands and since we have a reputation to maintain, doing well involves work, so let's work on the ladders. You were sloppy at the last fire; 51 was faster, so will improve our time," Johnny held a stop watch.

For the next three hours, the men did ladder drills until they were tired, but not to the point of exhaustion. Afterward they retreated to dayroom to find new orders issued.

"Next shift if you're done with your assignment you can work on another. Paramedics, I want the squad glowing. We want to make a good impression on the taxpayers, they pay our salaries."

The hosemen laughed, irritating Gage even further. Roy had never seen that particular expression on his once paramedic partner, but knew the men were playing with fire—and a dangerous one at that.

"And the rest of you twits," Johnny coughed, "can make the engine sparkle as long as keeping the equipment in working order. I'll be checking daily. Also this station has to be sparkling and glowing every day. I want to be able to eat off of every single floor including the apparatus bay. Any questions?"

The men were in shock.

"C'mon Cap, you don't mean it?" Worth questioned.

"I mean every word and if you don't follow it I'll write you up. You have two choices, follow my rules or transfer. That's all. Now get to work," Johnny retreated to the office.

The next three shifts were tenuous as the men tested Gage and Gage didn't give an inch. He had always complained about Hookraider, but Johnny made him look like a pussycat. Something had changed and it wasn't for the best.

In the dayroom, with Gage absent the men were mad.

"What the hell gives him the right to work our tails off," Worth complained, "we earn our money putting out fires."

"Complain then," Roy was getting tired of the antics of his shift mates and worried about them. Sure he was on the engine but given the right situation he might not make it out alive.

"Oh that's easy for you to say," Lingstrom looked daggers at him. "You worked with the schmuck before."

"Hey," Roy threw his hands up. "I warned and warned you guys. He had a limit but you wouldn't listen."

#######

Things quieted down after that, but something happened, bad was all he could say. It had been a few months since Gage has issued his edicts. Work had become work; he no longer felt joy or even satisfaction coming to the station. His relationship with the rest of the crew and his captain were strained to the point where he didn't have anyone to talk to.

Coming into the day room ready for another shift, he found Gage staring into a cold cup of coffee, looking for answers and looking lost.

"Hey Cap," Roy approached his superior, "You okay?" His paramedic instincts kicked, forcing him to grab Gage's wrist.

Johnny sighed heavily, his chair scraping heavily on the floor. Taking his coffee cup he threw it in the sink, sending shards of glass everywhere. Roy saw a piece cut John on the hand and reached for it.

"Here let me…" DeSoto reached for the hand.

"I can take care of myself, damn it, I was a paramedic!" Johnny reached for a dishtowel and stalked out of the kitchen.

For the rest of the shift, the only time any of the crew knew he was there when they toned out. Cap didn't eat and Roy was sure he didn't sleep. He knew Gage had moved and wished he knew his phone number and address. Gage looked haunted and it worried Roy.

For the next month's shift, things had gotten routine, Gage seemed to take in a perverse pleasure making sure his men walked on eggshells. Maybe it was payback, but Roy was betting it wasn't. Building up courage he went to the cap's office and knocked on the door.

"I'll call you right back," Gage said. "C'mon in."

Roy walked in, making sure to shut the door behind him. He leaned against one of the desks and seriously looked at his former partner. His face was drawn and worn. Black circles ringed his eyes and the man was quietly sitting at his desk. DeSoto noted the various amount of paper work and the still grim face of his superior.

"Um, Cap," Roy cleared his throat. "I was wondering if everything is okay?" _Damn, that sounded so lame. Of course nothing's okay._

"I appreciate the concern," Johnny said with no hint of emotion. "But I'm fine. Just fine."

"Sure you are, Cap."_ Liar! Liar! You're hurting like hell, junior._ "It's just if, um, if you need to talk... I'm available and…"

Tones sounded ending the conversation.

**#######**

Things didn't seem to get any better. Sure, when they worked the fire, his station was the best. All the drills, memos and lectures had paid off, but at what cost. He found Gage withdrawing even more. The man barely ate or slept. As his wingman he was supposed to look out for his Cap.

Knocking on the office door again, he found Johnny hunched over some paper. Roy put a plate of food and glass of milk down on the desk. "Figured you might be hungry," he said solemnly. "Got to keep your strength up, you know Cap dealing with us twits."

John eyed the food and then him.

"Oh, nothing's wrong with it. Might not be as good as Marco's but its pretty close and if you want seconds let me know," Roy smiled and said cheerily.

Roy watched as the food disappeared in Gage fashion, leaving nothing but crumbs and a few drops of milk.

"It was good. Seconds?" John seemed to have revived a bit.

"Yeah, seconds—I'll be right back," Roy took the plate and glass and was back in two minutes. Watching Johnny eat made him feel better.

"Thanks DeSoto," Gage nodded and then went back to paperwork as the squad was called out.

It was nerve-wracking at the station, one minute Johnny seemed to be his old self and then a dark cloud hung over him. Two of his shift mates were ready to transfer out from under the thumb of their crazy captain. Roy felt he needed to stay; something had been eating at his once partner and he hoped to mend their friendship.

After shift, Roy purposely waited for Gage to leave the station. He followed him to his Rover.

"What DeSoto?" Gage said with mild irritation.

"Um," Roy blushed, "I thought we could talk."

"Talk? Talk?" Gage laughed and that hurt him. "There is nothing to talk about," John said with finality. "Nothing, all right. I know who my friends are, and even more so my enemies. So you just go back to your old buddies and leave me the hell alone, got it? Just because we work together doesn't ever, ever make us friends."

Roy stood in shock, never expecting those words to come from the always caring and sensitive man. "Um, yeah sure." Gage screeched out of the yard and DeSoto wasn't sure if he should be pissed or honored since his captain had actually spoke to him on something other than work.


End file.
